editing my subscription

Imagine getting a free sample of a magazine. Somehow it was just plopped on your doorstep from some unknown person but it somewhat piques your interest. Curious to know more, you subscribe to it and realize that it seems to have all the promise in the world. A lot of promise, a lot of cool fancy wordage that could convince any other open-minded individual to pay the monthly subscription fee just to learn more, at least for a little while.

At some point, after several months of receiving the magazine in your mailbox, you understand the magazine–you’ve come to know what it will talk about and know how each different writer’s voice sounds. You’ve even thought that the magazine’s articles are filled with information that you think can make your life better, even if you don’t agree with a couple opinions of the people writing the articles and a couple stances of the magazine itself.

Now imagine that one of the editors of said magazine calls you once a week to make sure you’re reading the content, understanding and accepting it. And every so often, that editor asks you, “Are you willing to take what our magazine is saying, implement it in your life, write articles every once in a while and be an advocate for it forever?”

At first, you question it unabashedly while still going along for the ride. After all, you’re curious to see what happens. Next, you actually think “Hey, this could actually work. This is fun! I’m being enlightened!” And following that, you’re on the brink of  actually taking the plunge and sign up for the lifelong subscription, even about to write articles and tell everyone you have found the one thing that completes your life. Thus, you surround yourself with everything that is about that magazine: the people, the writing and printing process, and even attending the swell parties the magazine and its employees throw with their subscribers frequently.

Then a few things become glaringly obvious…

The magazine publishing industry is brutal–especially with this particular magazine. Editors are picky and sometimes even fix your “pride and joy” article that doesn’t even resemble its old luminous self. Then the other writers rejoice when your articles match their own “unique” voice. Opinions are battered back and forth, some align and others are completely perpendicular. Each magazine competes for your attention and when you turn your attention solely to one–it’s almost isolating. You hate that isolation; you want to learn a lot more but now you feel limited. There is a sense of home with the magazine, but at the same time, you’re like a 19 year-old craving to leave the nest.

But then you realize that it is just a magazine. What the magazine talks about are things that you can learn and figure out on your own without the bias of those few writers whose opinions don’t match yours. Sure, what the magazine has taught you thus far has changed your life for the better… but there are still those discrepancies. Discrepancies that aren’t good enough to make the commitment of a lifelong subscription and damage your freelance writing ideals. At least not at the moment.

So you do something that they may not like… you reduce your subscription from monthly to every other month. You still want to read and stay connected to the magazine because it still has some great articles. But you also want to read and perhaps subscribe to other magazines with similar messages, to hear more perspectives. That’s what a rounded education is about.

After all… you’re still you. Being a lifetime subscriber of the magazine isn’t a choice you’re so willing to make so lightly and so soon. Heck, there is even a lot more beyond the magazine industry that can provide enlightenment as well. There is still the world of novels, poetry anthologies, newspapers and tons more that you can be reading!

Your exploration and discoveries have only just begun.

midair

a pitcher has a unique position
the ability to control how the ball travels
the speed, the curve, a knuckle or none
the catcher gives the cue as to what might be best

ready at the mound
hand behind my back
waiting for the number, the cue
was that a one or a two
pull the ball up into my mitt
preparing to throw the arc
i release it, rolling through my fingertips
a launch into the unknown
hoping for a certain outcome
trusting the catcher to be there

but the bat strikes, loud and hard
sending it soaring past third base
leaving me hanging midair
for what I don’t suspect… a foul ball
a hit, but a strike nonetheless

was it a misunderstood hint from the catcher
or did I trust him too much with my ball
now the ball is out
and I’m caught midair

a lopsided ball

love is like a lopsided ball
it starts off all full and round
sometimes perfectly so
and after a while
the air inside and outside
adjusts and shifts it
to match surroundings
it becomes distorted
one way or another
either from lack of air
weird placement
what have you
you try to roll it
the ball goes off course
you try to sit on it
and it doesn’t cooperate
but once you’ve got it
it can keep you balanced
shows you not everything
has to be perfect
all anything really needs
is to fit in with what is there
so… love is like a necessary,
quirky and lopsided ball.

Your Best Friend

Honesty is like your very best friend.
Honesty allows you to be your true self.
When honesty hurts you, it’s for your own good.
Honesty gives everything to you straight up, as is…
–offering the truth even when lies are preferable.
Honesty doesn’t need to ask for forgiveness.
Time or distance doesn’t matter to true honesty.
Honesty never hides something from you.
Honesty will never take you down a notch
–for its own personal gain.
Fairness is honesty’s middle name.
And lastly, everything that’s honest is genuine.
Now that’s your very best friend.